Many people see long distance relationship as a total waste of emotion and time. Friends and family will advise you to not enter into such relationships so you don’t get heart broken. They will tell you it has 99% chance of failure; but that is absolutely incorrect. Distance relationships has a lot of potential to be successful just as non-distance relationships.
It is only true that at some point it is more demanding than other relationships; but this fact does not make distance relationships a total flop. I am personally in a long distance relationship at the moment and it has been very interesting and sweet. I have been able to grow my trust for my partner and strengthened my love for her. I can without any doubt profess my genuine love for her because the distance between us has brought her even closer to my heart. I have developed great value for little things like hugs, holding hands, pecks, kisses that I often took for granted in my previous non-distance relationships.
Being in a distance relationship is a chance for you to see more clearly, develop strong goals, build trust and love even harder.
From my experience I will tell you it is one of the most challenging things I have done my whole life but it was made easy because I LOVE HER A LOT and I know she feels the same way about me. So before you enter into a distance relationship, make sure you are dating for the right reasons. Make sure the feeling is mutual. Every other thing will definitely fall in place with the when you follow the 21 tips to make your distance relationship work.
21 tips to Maintaining a Long Distance Relationship
See it as an Opportunity
“If you want to live together, you first need to learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous
Long distance relationships may seem to be very draining sometimes; but you have to look past that. You should see it as a means to test the strength of your love for each other. According to a Chinese proverb, “Real gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” If you can stay in love in a long distance relationship, you are most likely to stay in love with each other through out your life time. Stronger bonds and trust are created in long distance relationships. So instead of worrying about things going wrong, work on your trust and grow your love.
Set Some Ground Rules to Manage Your Expectations
Ground rules are vital. Ground rules should be strictly followed. Being in a relationship entails knowing what each other likes and expects. Assumptions should be totally eliminated. You need to understand what type of relationship you are in. You have to know what your partner allows you to do and what he doesn’t accept (example: going on a date with other people). What commitment level is expected of each other? Note that, being open with each other can prevent a lot of quarrel and heartbreak.
Have a Goal in Mind
The fact that there is distance between each other at the moment shouldn’t mean that the relationship should remain a distance one forever. Both parties have to set goals that will make it easier to be together. Questions like “What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” should be answered by both partners. There should never be any room for assumptions. The fact remains that no one will want to be in a distance relationship for life. A time comes when everyone wants to settle down with his or her partner.
Draw up a goal with your partner. Make sure both of you agree on the terms of the goal. Work towards reducing the distance between both of you. This will provide direction for your relationship.
Avoid Excessive Communication
Contrary to the belief that you have to compensate for the distance or physical absence of your partner with frequent communication, it is unwise to be too possessive and sticky when in a long distance relationship. Both partners need time to breathe. Less they say is more especially in a long distance relationship. You need to be able to miss the other person. Mind you, Keeping in touch too often can be exhausting and boring in the long run. Excessive communication can make you fall out of love even faster than cheating. So, give each other some space and know the right time to poke.
Give Each Other Pet Names
Pet names are not overrated. It is cute and brings a level of uniqueness to the relationship. It keeps the lovey-dovey going.
Talk Dirty With Each Other
Sex is not just a biological need; it is also an emotional need as well. Sexual tension is undoubtedly one of the most vital things between couples. Sexual desire has the ability to glue partners together. Just the thought of being with your partner can keep you focused and devoted. Keep the flames burning by sending each other teasing text messages. Spice it up with sexual hints and provocative inscriptions. Be naughty and express your sexual desires. Threaten to carry out nasty acts the next time you meet each other. Sexy jokes work pretty well too.
7. Avoid “Dangerous” Situations
Do not create room for your partner to worry or start doubting your devotion. Hanging out with anyone who has been flirting with you is not a good idea. Don’t just say “nothing will happen because I trust myself and my partner trust me”. The truth is you can’t fully trust the intentions of someone who has been crushing on you. He or she might only be cool because he has not gotten the chance to be uncool. Don’t create that chance by yourself.
If you know keeping late nights will upset your partner, avoid it. Trust is not an excuse for you to go to just anywhere. Being in a long distance relationship means always thinking about the other person. Always considering how the other person would respond or feel.
Feeling completely powerless or helpless is one of the worst feelings for people in a distance relationship. Getting drunk in the company of friends he or she does not know or trust, getting into a fight are one of those things that can leave your partner totally helpless, powerless and very upset. You need to recognize the dangers before entering into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.
Communicate Creatively and Regularly
Keeping in touch is very important. I make sure my girlfriend is the first person I call in the morning and the last person I talk with at night on a daily basis. Hearing my girlfriend say “good morning” with a cracked and sleepy voice makes my day every time. It might seem insignificant to you, so you have to find your own trigger. Greeting each other “good morning” and “good night” every day should be nonnegotiable. It is your duty to update your partner on things happening in your life. Do not sensor anything. Send him or her pictures, voice notes, video clips. Share a song that speaks your feelings or a quote that describes your thoughts. This will definitely make your partner feel loved and wanted.
Do Things Together
Get yourselves involved in each other’s life. Play an online game together, buy each other gifts, watch a TV Series on YouTube or Vimeo at the same time, sing to each other on while video calling (you can sing together or one person can sing while the other person plays a guitar). “Take a walk together” while video-calling each other. You really have to be creative and willing to follow up on these activities.
Do Similar Things
Doing similar things will help in more than one way. It will expose you to your partner’s interest, strength, and weakness. Support the same football or basketball clubs, recommend books, music, TV shows, movies, news and etc. to each other. This will boost your conversation. There is always something to talk about when both parties have shared experiences. When you read books together, watch and listen to same things, you get to have more topics in common to talk about and you get to have shared experience without being physically present with each other.
Do not Desert Your Friends and Family (Enjoy Your Alone Time)
It is very easy to withdraw from the world when the one you love is far from you. You feel alone and incomplete but you have to go out. Make friends and spend time with them and family. Do not allow your social life to die because you are missing your partner. Take up routine activities. Join a study group, visit the gym often, follow social trends, and smile. Enjoy your life.
Stay Honest With Each Other
Honesty is the key for any relationship (especially distance relationship) to work. DO NOT keep things to yourself. Bottling up things will sooner or later eat you from inside out. Talk about your fears, insecurity, jealousy, apathy, whatsoever bothers you. Secrets have destroyed relationships from time immemorial. Don’t always try to be strong. Let your partner know when you are weak so he or she can support you. Express your disappointments; but be subtle when doing so. Be open and honest with each other. Deal with things early; don’t wait for it to escalate before you express your displeasure.
Know Each Other’s Schedules
Timing is very important in distance relationships. Knowing when each other is busy or free is crucial for proper communication. Knowing your partners schedules will make you know which means of communication to use and at what time. Calling your partner while in the middle of a crucial meeting can make you feel ignored especially when he or she doesn’t return your calls for hours. Knowing your partners schedule does not mean you are sticky; it will help you get the right attention without feeling ignored. Know the small and big events in your partner’s life and try to adjust to his or her calendar. This is very important for partner lining in different time zones.
Keep Track of Each Other’s Social Media Activities.
Keep in touch with each other on social media. Do things together even there. Like each other’s photos on Facebook and Instagram. Tweet each other. Tag each other in personal photos, videos, memes, and so on. Write on each other’s walls. Stalking is fun so long you are both in love.
Gift a Personal Object for the Other Person to Hold on to
Sentimental attachments to gifts are common in long distance relationships. Make sure you gift your partner a personal item to hold on to. Even though it might not replace you in her life, it will represent you. Things like a small pendent, a necklace, a ring, a keychain, a collection of your best songs and videos, or a bottle of fragrance. Memories are crucial and memories are easily stored in physical things. These gift are things to hold on to when our human minds fail us. It is a source of hope that all the challenges and desires are not wasted. It will help you remember. Little things like this can mean the world to a person even if its monetary value is zero.
Get a Good Messaging App
This is extremely important because texting is the most common and effective way of communication the two of you have. You need a good mobile messaging app that allows interactions beyond just words and emoticons. Use messaging app that allow you download cool and funny stickers. These will help you when words fail.
Snail-mail Your Gift
Surprise your partner with hand written love letters (use a mail delivery company like it is 1921), valentine flowers, postcards and birthday cakes. Flower deliveries on birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day can put a huge smile on your partners face. I got a T-shirt from my girlfriend about a month ago and I still can’t contain the feeling till this moment. I nicknamed it “Boundless Smile”. Shop online and surprise each other with cool T-shirts, sexy underwear, etc.
Staying positive is a lot easier than thinking about what might go wrong. There is a lot of mental battle in a distance relationship. Feeling lonely all the time and wishing you could see your partner can be frustrating and very painful; but you can scale through it with positive thoughts. Look more at the goals you have set with each other and how fulfilling those goes will make you extremely happy. Be grateful for knowing, having, and loving each other. Be thankful that your partner loves you back. Recognize that what you have is special and rare. Hold on to your partner and pray for good health and safety.
Keep Each Other Updated on Each Other’s Friends and Family
Talking about yourselves all the time will be boring at some point. Gossip about friends and family from time to time. Talk about a trending scandal that is currently in the news. Make jokes about people’s accent and their choice of colour. With things like this you can never lack what to talk about.
Video-call Whenever Possible
Seeing each other’s face is very important. What voice calls can not reveal, a video call certainly will. This way you get to see your partner in real time and assess her wellbeing. The truth is looking into each other’s eyes and hearing each other’s voices makes everything feel alright again.
Make Visits to Each Other
After the whole waiting, texting, calling, wishing, yearning, abstinence and so on, making out time to actually see each other is the highlight of every distance relationship. That is when you can fulfill your desires. Little things like, holding hands, kissing, hugging which most couples take for granted are very precious in long distance relationships. Being able to act on these desires brings all the sweetness in the world together. Getting to actually hug or kiss your partner will be like fireworks, rainbows, glitter bombs and butterflies everywhere. Always make out time to see and make it count.
“When there is synergy in your individual feelings and goals in the relationship, nothing can stop you”.
Take nothing for granted.
Take that leap and date that person regardless of the distance between both of you.
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